Here is some sexual health information for your daughter who is interested in girls.
Being Supportive
- Most sexual health information is aimed at girls who only have sex with boys. Recognize that your daughter might not feel like there’s health information out there for her.
- Coming out to different people is a process. Help her find medical providers with whom she feels comfortable sharing her health information and needs.
- Remember that “sex” is bigger than penis-in-vagina-sex, but health information and sex ed don’t always include other kinds of sex, like oral, anal or genital-to-genital contact.
- Focus on the positive! A lot of information for or about LGBTQ teens focuses on really serious, scary stuff! Let them know that working together to help them get the health information they need can form a positive partnership between the two of you.
Pregnancy Prevention
- Even though she might not be interested in boys right now, don’t leave her out of discussions about pregnancy prevention. Lesbian and bisexual females are far more likely than other teens to get pregnant, in part because they don’t get prevention info.
- Help her start birth control before her first time having sex with a boy. Girls can get pregnant the first time they have intercourse.
- There are many birth control options that work for your teen girl. There are even options that can help her manage her period or help control acne. Talk to your doctor about the best options for her. Start looking at what’s available
- Get an appointment for her to talk to her doctor. Whether it’s for pregnancy prevention or not, regular check-ups are important. Try one of these teen-friendly clinics.
- Remind her that the “dual method” of using a condom plus birth control like an IUD or the pill will help her prevent both pregnancy and STDs! Double bonus!
- To prevent pregnancy, a condom should be on the penis if the penis comes into contact with the vagina. Teens hear a lot of myths, so remind her that pre-ejaculate can lead to pregnancy, the pull-out method isn’t the most effective, and she can still get pregnant while she has her period. And a condom should be on the penis if the penis comes into contact with genitals, the mouth, or anus, to avoid STDs.
- Tell her that no birth control is 100% effective – other than complete abstinence from penis-in-vagina sex. Help her learn how to be safe with sexual health.
- Remind her that you are always here for questions, worries, or concerns. Offer her the option to text you if that makes her feel more comfortable.
STD Safety
- Condoms are the best bet for preventing STDs when having sex or when using a sex toy. (Take a deep breath… you’re an awesome parent for learning this). Dental dams and condoms are also useful in helping your daughter prevent oral STDs. Get both items and show her how to use them during your conversation.
- Regular STD testing is important for sexually active teens. Try one of these teen-friendly clinics.
- Remind her that having condoms – even if it’s just in case – is responsible, not sketchy.
- Have her read about the different types of STDs and how to prevent them. Here is a teen-friendly guide to share with her.
- Remind her that you are always here for questions, worries, or concerns. Offer her the option to text you if that makes her feel more comfortable.
Relationships
- Share with her how important she is and that she should demand respect in relationships.
- Talk to her about how you knew that a person was a good choice for a partner. Talk about the qualities that make a good partner – someone who is respectful, honest, kind, funny, makes you feel good about yourself, shares similar interests, etc.
- Help her understand how important it is to say “No” and to leave a bad situation when she’s uncomfortable, no matter how much pressure she’s under.
- Be aware that sexual assault is more common for LGBTQ teens. 18% of LGBTQ teens report being physically forced to have sex versus 5% of their straight counterparts. Survivors have a range of responses and experiences, but having your support is extremely important. Here are some useful resources for you as a parent.
- Remind her that having sex isn’t a goal or a badge of honor. She should be ready to have sex when she’s ready, not when she feels like she should or has to.
- Help your child understand how important it is to know that when a partner says “No,” it means to stop the sexual activity immediately. Even if a partner has said yes in the past, “No ” means to stop the activity immediately.
- Share this resource with her so she can read more about healthy relationships.
- Same-gender sleepovers may not have worried you until now, but the key is to always be open and honest. Ask her up front, “What kind of sleepover is this?” Don’t be shy about setting expectations. These may be uncharted waters for you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold her to the same standards you would if she was bringing a boy over.
- Refer her to this article about how to be smart at parties and gatherings to protect herself.
- Give her an out and explain that you are always there to pick her up – no questions asked – from a bad situation. Consider using “Plan X” in your family.
- Remind her that you are always here for questions, worries, or concerns. Offer her the option to text you questions if that makes her feel more comfortable.
- Coming out as LGBTQ can often be challenging. If you suspect that your teen is not doing well or comes to you for help, here are some support hotlines that are amazing resources for LGBTQ teens.
There are great resources out there for LGBTQ teens, many of which we’ve shared with you above, but don’t forget that teenplaybook.com has an entire guide devoted to LGBTQ teens that you can share with her!
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