Here is some sexual health information for your son who is interested in boys.
Being Supportive
- Most sexual health information is aimed at boys who only have sex with girls. Recognize that your son might not feel like there’s health information out there for him.
- Guys get a lot of pressure to be a macho, lady-lovin’ bro. Help him feel secure in his own skin.
- Coming out to different people is a process. Help him find medical providers with whom he feels comfortable sharing his health information and needs.
- Remember that “sex” is bigger than penis-in-vagina sex, but health information and sex ed don’t always include other kinds of sex, like oral, anal, or any genital-to-genital contact.
- Focus on the positive! A lot of information for or about LGBTQ teens focuses on really serious, scary stuff! Let them know that working together to help them get the health stuff they need is a positive partnership.
STD Safety Tips
- Condoms! Condoms, condoms, condoms! Ask him to use a condom every time. Be sure he knows how to use them and where to find them.
- Condoms are the best bet for preventing STDs. Dental dams are also useful with helping your son prevent oral STDs. Get both items and show him how to use them during your conversation
- Get an appointment for him to talk to a doctor. Whether it’s for STD testing or not, regular check-ups are important. Try one of these teen-friendly clinics.
- Tell him that even pre-ejaculate can spread STDs. A condom should be on the penis if he is participating in any sexual act.
- Have him read about the symptoms of STDs and how to prevent them. Here is a teen-friendly guide to share with him.
- Gay and bisexual men make up around 2% of the population, but they also account for 55% of people in the United States that live with HIV. This is not to worry you as parents but to make sure that your son is educated and knows how to make smart decisions.
- If he’s HIV+ or at higher risk for HIV, talk about PrEP as a strategy for being sexually active and avoiding sharing HIV.
- Remind him that you are always here to address his questions, worries, or concerns. Offer him the option to text you if that makes him feel more comfortable.
Pregnancy Prevention Tips
- Even though he isn’t interested in girls, it is important that your son is educated about pregnancy prevention options for safety reasons. It’s common for teens to explore with both sexes while they’re figuring out who they really are. Sometimes gay guys will try to “act straight” – even by having sex with girls – especially if they don’t feel supported by their peers or family.
- If there is a chance of him having sex with girls, explain that a girl needs to start birth control before her first time having sex with a boy and that he should always use a condom. Girls can get pregnant the first time they have intercourse.
- There are many birth control options available, and although he won’t use them himself (expect for the condom!), more knowledge makes for safer sex! Here are some popular options.
- Remind him that the “dual method” of using a condom plus birth control like an IUD or the pill will help prevent both pregnancy and STDs! Double bonus!
- Teens hear a lot of myths, so remind him that pre-ejaculate can lead to pregnancy, the pull-out method isn’t the most effective, and a girl can still get pregnant while she has her period. Tell him that no birth control is 100% effective – other than complete abstinence from penis-in- vagina sex. Help him learn how to be safe.Remind him that you are always here to address his questions, worries, or concerns. Offer him the option to text you if that makes him feel more comfortable.
Relationship Tips
- Share with him how important he is and that he should expect respect in relationships.
- Talk to him about how you knew that a person was a good choice for a partner. Talk about the qualities that make a good partner – someone who is respectful, honest, kind, funny, makes you feel good about yourself, share your values, etc.
- Help your child understand how important it is to know that when a partner says “No,” it means to stop the sexual activity immediately. Even if a partner has said yes in the past, “No” means to stop the activity immediately.
- Help him understand how important it is to speak up for himself and say “No” when he’s uncomfortable, no matter how much pressure he’s under. 18% of LGBTQ teens report being physically forced to have sex versus 5% for their straight counterparts.
- Remind him that having sex isn’t a goal or a badge of honor. He should be ready to have sex when he’s ready, not when he feels like he should or he has to.
- Share this resource with him so he can read more about healthy relationships.
- Same-gender sleepovers may not have worried you until now, but the key is always openness and honesty. Ask him up front, “What kind of sleepover is this?” Don’t be shy about setting expectations. These may be uncharted waters for you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold him to the same standards you would if he was into girls.
- Refer him to this article about how to be smart at parties and gatherings to protect himself.
- Give him an out and explain that you are always there to pick him up – no questions asked – from a bad situation. Consider using “Plan X” in your family.
- Remind him that you are always here to address his questions, worries, or concerns. Offer him the option to text you if that makes him feel more comfortable.
- Coming out as LGBTQ can often be challenging. If you suspect that your teen is not doing well, or if they come to you for help, offer them the option to contact one of these support hotlines – they’re amazing resources for LGBTQ teens.
There are great resources out there for LGBTQ teen guys, many of which we’ve shared with you above, but don’t forget that teenplaybook.org has an entire guide devoted to LGBTQ teens that you can share with him!
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